how does raw really feel?

Jenn Doan

Jenn Doan - Producer/Dancer

In just three days,  we have learned so much about each other that it is almost unreal.  At the end of rehearsal we all decided to share THE personal story that every dancer wrote onto paper  and gave to Taryn on the first day of rehearsal. This story was to be a specific time/incident/moment when we were completely consumed about something. We all had our stories and we all had  more difficulty than not putting our selves onto the front lines and shared our most vulnerable side.

For me, I chose to reveal a side that I still carry a lot of fear around.  It was also something  still wrapped inside a lot of shame because I feel like I am the only one who is struggling with these things. After sharing my story to the group and just letting myself be brutally honest about my struggles and this perceived “weakness” of being completely consumed something in which i am most often completely powerless over, I remember feeling so vulnerable like my bare chest just open for the world to see after talking to the group while getting ready to go home.  Still a little bit of fear and doubt crossing my mind like what would they think of me? are they judging? would they even understand? The same old story… always the same old story that we tell ourselves.

Well here I am… This is who I am! Strong and weak…. beautiful and ugly… loving and unloving… generous and self-fish. They are all parts of me. I have all these parts within me.

I feel that we all  have so much fear to show the parts of us that struggle so deeply inside.  We  only let others see our best and strongest and most beautiful… so everyone  hides these parts of themselves and often think their problems are so unique to just them…. but in actuality most can relate to some degree. Surprisingly sometimes, when I take that risk to open up and to be honest to myself about what has been hidden so deeply inside, covered up, smothered, ignored.. (hey doesn’t this go back to some of the reasons we are overly consumed by things) and someone comes up to me and says ” Hey, i totally understand how you feel” PHEW… its is so relieving. WHy? Probably because then I don’t feel so alone and isolated.  It is also the fact that when i let myself be honest and open it helps other find the courage to do the same and vice versa.  Then there might be a chance for connection. Deeper human connection. I think that is fundamental for us humans to not only survive but also to thrive.

All that being said… because everyone inside the creative process has let themselves open to the group so quickly and honestly, even here on our blogs to the public this work will carry something so human and honest and beautiful.

I think people are even more beautiful when their darkest, ugliest, weakest sides come through too. They just allow themselves to be seen as fully human. NO bullshit.  Honesty is a gift.


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About Jenn Doan

Jenn Doan is a producer, choreographer, dancer, yoga teacher, and dance talk radio host based in Montreal, QC. She began her dance studies at the University of Calgary and while finishing a BFA in Contemporary Choreography at Concordia University in 2007, began to self-produce her own work, primarily within the Canadian Fringe Festivals, with a co-founded dance theater company called Inertia Productions. Currently, Jenn is the co-artistic director of Woo Me Myth, a dance rock opera (DRO) performance company. The company produced The Duck Wife (2010), an Inuit myth based DRO touring across Fringe Festivals in Canada and receiving audience acclaim throughout. The work won Best Ensemble Performance, Best of the Fest, nominated for Best English Production, and made Centaur Theater's Top Ten Productions of 2010. Jenn has collaborated on many creative projects with vocalists, composers, filmmakers, visual artists, and theater artists. She co-choreographed ADDICTED (2009) with House of Dangerkat touring to NYC and Europe, produced Transfigurations (2009) at Dancers' Studio West with spoken word artist Moe Clark, and both the 1st & 2nd installment of inlayers: an interactive online dance creation. Most productions have been self-supported and only two out of six with small public funding support. Jenn has been a guest speaker at YES Montreal's 2011 Artist Conference and Quebec Drama Federation's 2011 Artist Symposium speaking on topics of Alternative Fundraising for Artists and Diversity in the Arts.

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