Being consumed, whether it be by love-work-desires to succeed, we’ve all experienced it. From the surprisingly emotional first rehearsal we had last night, I’ve come to realize that the way we, I, have been looking at being consumed is somewhat superficial. Yes I’ve been engulfed and have lost balance in my life because of love (usually the infatuate kind) and obsession and desire to achieve, etc. But WHY? What was the root, the thing within myself that drew me in and made me loose my grounding?
Researching this topic is not going to be just re-telling nor re-living the emotions and sensations of being consumed in past experiences. As interpreters, we need to be open to being vulnerable, to dig deep into the unexpected… what I believe will become, has become for me even within the first rehearsal, confronting ourselves with the deeply rooted insecurities and fears which we allow to override us – and permit us to be consumed.
How often to we really look into what truly compels us to act selfishly and become absorbed into our own world, or that moment in time. Feelings of being unworthy of love, fear of not being in control, powerless, etc. Its all so easy to see when you’re looking outside at others but when you put yourself under the microscope, and start asking yourself honest questions… the answers are overwhelming – so much that working on a movement phrase (mini solo) we were asked to create from the sensation of being consumed in our own personal stories, anxiety and frustration flooded my chest and tears began to flow. It all seems a little too dramatic. Honestly, denying what’s surfacing sounds uber appealing.. but that’s not why were here for in layers…. Were here to push our boundaries and I’m going to have to just live and go wherever this exploration brings me. Rehearsal day 2.. here we go!
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